Beethoven's Millionth
Beethoven’s Millionth is a theoretical concept which states that if Ludwig van Beethoven had never died, he would have composed at least one million symphonies and further, that this hypothetical millionth symphony can be created in reality by using Beethoven’s extant works as a base data set from which to extrapolate the further potential arc of his career.
History
It is unknown who first suggested the idea that would become Beethoven’s Millionth, but organized research began with Arthur Eddington, the British astronomer, physicist, and mathematician. Eddington initiated this research most likely in the 1930s, possibly during his extended feud with Indian astronomer Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar regarding stellar mass. Eddington, a noted fan of Beethoven, began his research with a small team of closely associated English scientists; the group consisted of Norman Henry [Music Theory], William Parnassus [History], Vincent Gourd [Medical Biology], and Benjamin Button [Mathematician]. Notably, Gourd would go on to co-found Infinite Monkeys Incorporated with his business partner and lover Cyrus Monkeys, while Button lived to file charges against the film bearing his name, a commonality that was found to be coincidental by judges despite the fact that Button was the Fitzgerald family’s personal accountant during F. Scott’s writing of his original short story, as well as the fact that the historical Button also aged in reverse and eventually died after becoming a newborn baby at the age of 103.
Research
The primary challenge of proving the Beethoven’s Millionth hypothesis lies in determining which data points from the historical composer’s body of work to draw from in order to craft the Millionth Symphony. This process has contributed to immense frustration as well as the creation of groundbreaking methodology in the realm of art categorization. For example, because Beethoven composed Symphony No. 2 as he realized his burgeoning deafness may in fact be permanent, one scholar may assign the symphony a Fear value of 3. Another may determine it deserves a Fear Value of 4, or 2. Crucially, the determination of a a Value cannot be driven by the researcher’s own experiences or feelings - instead, these values are arrived at via an equation group that is commonly referred to as “Beethoven’s Law”, which, among other things, accounts for Total Possible Emotional Value by calculating hundreds of discrete subequations. For example, one such subequation is the Entropy Factor, which can be calculated by determining the year of composition’s distance from the detonation of the atomic bomb + distance from the death of Christ. Other subequations assist with factoring in amorphous ideas such as Beethoven’s relationship status at time of composition, diet at time of composition, and bowel movement regularity at time of composition. Beethoven’s Law can also be used to determine Values other than the emotional -for example, since Symphony No. 5 was composed roughly in 1808, we can know that that piece holds a Napoleonic Wars Value of 5. Beethoven’s Law cannot be reproduced in its entirety on this page due to length.
Possibility of Reanimation or Reconstruction
Researchers, most notably from the Infinite Monkeys Applied Sciences - BioEngineering Division (BED), have considered attempting to prove the theory not by mathematical analysis of the deceased Beethoven’s work, but by creating or re-creating Ludwig van Beethoven in the modern context. Although development has reportedly stalled, project files from BED have suggested several possible routes of interest, including the exhumation of the composer’s remains from his tomb in Vienna for either full-body electrical reanimation or the placement of his brain into either a custom built robotic or cybernetic shell, or a jar. Concerns have been raised both over the ethical concerns of these approaches as well as the possibility that being placed inside a new, artificial body or in any way being “wrenched from beyond the veil of death” (according to official materials published by BED) would alter Beethoven’s perspective in such a way as to change his composition style and therefore render any new pieces mathematically separate from his previous body of work. These concerns have purportedly put a stop to this avenue of BED research.