Arby's wallback, wv 2/23/19

NOT GOOD SERVICE RUDE SERVERS QWLLL NOT GO BACK!!!

when you find yourself on a long car ride trying to go from flatwoods West Virginia down i79 to the big city Charlestown west Virginia sometimes you get a doggone cramp in your leg and you've got to get out of your chevy Cruze sedan and stop at a place and stretch your leg to get rid of that cramp that's been bothering you forth e last 12 miles but god forbid they put a rest stop or a McDonalds or even a place to put your car somewhere on the side of that highway so instead of getting 0out when that doggone cramp starts to get you good you instead have to drive 12 miles down that road and oh look there's a slow car in front of you and he's got a boat that makes you wish you were back on your boat back in flatwoods West Virginia instead of driving down i79 west with the biggest Charlie horse in your leg since that big one you had a few months ago and here you are instead behind some slow Japanese car that only has 4 cylinders so it can't go so fast and so you say why don't I pass it on the right like you're supposed to with a slow car well its because they're doing construction on the one side of the road that you'd use to pass so its down to one lane and this Honda can't even barely go the speed limit so there you are sitting in your seat with a doggone cramp in your leg and no place to stop off to stretch and relieve yourself real nice and you've got to grin and bare it and grip the steering wheel so hard you start digging into your hands with your hands and sometimes you take one of those hand and kind of smack at your leg with the doggone cramp in it but it doesn't do anything because the only thing that will get rid of this cramp is a good long stretch and maybe a coka Cole soft drink in ice and a cup that keeps it cold until you make it to your destination of Charleston West Virginia and instead here you are behind this boat that's a real beautiful boat and you know that the guy in front of you uses that boat to catch some real nice blue gill and bass and catfish and crappie and maybe he sits out there away from it all on a Saturday like today and catches enough to cook himself up a little meal of catfish and not the other ones because those don't taste as good and they're too small to eat anyway so you throw em back and just enjoy that catfish and that's probably where he's going to right now or maybe coming back since its getting to be the afternoon and fishing is good in the morning and it would make sense that he had them for lunch and is probably taking some more fish back to his wife so she can cook them up a little meal and he gets to eat fish twice in one day and isn;t even upset about it because he caught them and that's something he's proud of and he did it all on that boat that's in front of you being pulled by the little Japanese car and after that doggone cramp jabs and bites at you again like some doggone rat getting at the marrow in your leg and you get your hand back on the steering wheel you think that its awfully strange that a little Japanese car like that could carry a fishing boat and then you realize that you don't actually know car brands as well as you thought even though you've passed by the car lot in flatwoods west Virginia probably a thousand times in the time you've lived there and maybe that isn't a little Honda and its got more cylinders than you thought and you start to get real mad because you know as a matter of fact now that that car and boat in front of you can go faster than it actually is and if it would you would be able to find a place to stop off and stretch your leg real good a lot faster than you are right now and while you're absolutely raging mad about this whole situation you've found yourself in you see on the side of the road a sign that's advertising the gas stations and fast food restaurants that are only two miles up ahead of you and even thought that doggone cramp in your leg is eating away at you and making your life agony you get some small bit of relief because you know that in only two miles you're going to find some sort of relief and so you drive those two more miles and bounce your leg up and down and keep going doggone it doggone it this doggone leg and then you've gone two miles in eight minutes and you get off the exit and you see that there you see it an arbys which isn't your favorite place but you know they've got a commode you can use for as long as you want because now you realize you've got to do that too and more importantly they have a parking lot where you can put your chevy craze in Park and get out of the car and do those stretches you learned about the last time you had a charlee horse that got rid of it real fast and will certainly do it real fast again this time and you're still going doggone it doggone it but its got kind of a hip hip hooray quality to it that it didn't when you started saying it a couple miles back on i79 west and you know that after you pull into the parking lot you'll get that sweet relief and after that the commode they've got inside will sort of feel like the cherry on top of all this relief so you pull into the parking lot and feel like you can take an extra moment to look around for a nice spot instead of taking the firs spot you see because you think hey I could put up with this doggone cramp for 12 doggone miles so whats maybe 30 seconds more while you look for that spot that's right by the door and then you park and put your car in Park and jump out of the door so fast and start doing those stretches from last time and it starts fading and you go ahhhhh and ohhhhh and sweet relief and oh brother that feels gooooooood and then when it really is gone and you're sure it isn't coming back you sort of lean your backside against the door of your car and take a breather because if you're being honest that whole cramp situation took a lot out of you and sort of wasted a lot of your energy and now that you're thinking about it on top of needing to use the commode you also need a hamburger to replenish that energy the cramp stole from you so you say hey I'm really in the right spot ha hah ah laughing to yourself as you walk stiffly to the entrance of arbys restaurant and you think about how one time when you were a kid your friend Andrew told you that its called arbys because it means R and B which is the initials to roast beef and that doesn't make sense to you in the moment because what you're really craving is a hamburger not roast beef and you're pretty sure you saw a commercial a while back while watching The Fix on ABC that said that arbys the Roast Beef restaurant was now selling hamburgers so its no big deal I can get one here I don't have to get a roast beef sandwich and you're going to do this trick that your friend Andrew taught you when you were a kid and you'd go up to the dairy queen walkup only store back home and what you'd do is order your ice cream first and then pay a nickel because it was just a soft serve and then while they're making it you go around the back and use the back of the building the same way you were about to use that commode at arbys and by the time you were done sort of shaking things dry and zipping it all back in place you'd go back around to the other side and there your ice cream was ready to go and you didn't have that uncomfortable full bladder feeling anymore so you could focus every bit of your enjoyment on that vanilla Dairy Queen soft serve in a cone that would get soggy on the bottom and start to drip al over you so you'd have to eat it sort of fast but not too fast because you'd get an ice cld headache right where your brain thinks all day so you'd get your eating speed down eventually and could suck down an ice cream cone in just the right way to make you real happy and nowadays instead of sucking down an ice cream cone after using the commode you’d be sucking down one of those brand new arbys hamburgers where they sit the R B right down on the burger but you can and will order without R B because personally you're not a big fan of roast beef so you're standing there going ha ha laughing to yourself as you look around the arbys menu for that hamburger you saw on ABC a few months back and you see a roast beef and cheddar and a roast beef and Swiss and a roast beef and American and all those same sandwiches with bacon on top too and what you don't see even though you scanned real slow is a doggone hamburger and instead going of ha ha because you're about to get a hamburger then go to the commode you're instead going hmmm in sort of an am I stupid or blind or did arbys lie to me about that hamburger so you go up to the counter where in a better situation you'd be saying hello id like a hamburger please instead your saying where the heck is that hamburger I saw on ABC and you can tell from your voice that you're getting a little angry because you've been in a bad mood because that doggone cramp was biting at you for 12 miles while you got stuck behind that car and boat and now finally you're getting the relief that you deserve with the stretches and the commode and the hamburger and all three were supposed to be some combo deal where all together they made you feel real good and you deserve that because its a long drive from flatwoods to Charlestown but now that you can't see any hamburger advertised you begin to worry that this whole scheme is going to fall apart and that makes you worried that if one of them falls apart maybe the other ones will too and maybe its just the thought of that that does it but you start to feel like a little twitch in your leg again where that doggone cramp was maybe 5 minutes ago and you're real concerned that it might come back once you get on the road again which wouldn't be good because its a long way to Charleston and there's not many places to stop and stretch along the way so you almost feel like you've got to get this whole situation right in order to leave that cramp back on the part of i79 east before you stopped off at arbys to cure the problem so yeah okay you're a little upset give me a break I've had a rough day oh geez I'm sorry didn't mean to raise my voice anyway I'm looking for that hamburger I saw on ABC when I was watching The Fix do you still sell that and then the maybe like high school aged kid who is working there says no sir that was only a limited time offer from back a few months ago and wow isn't sort of bad timing that you showed up now because the promo for a roast beef hamburger ended last week on Friday and if you had been at arbys on Friday you could have been one of the last people in the whole country to eat a roast beef hamburger from arbys and you maybe don't think this is as funny as the kid does because now this throws the whole thing off and doggone it doggone it you think you can feel it chirping at you again deep down in that leg muscle waiting to hatch and peck you raw and bloody which would make the next leg of the car ride just absolutely miserable so you say something like are you sure there isn't some leftover hamburger patty in the back of a freezer that got missed last Friday and maybe you could find room on your griddle to cook it up real good throw it on a bun with that cheddar cheese and hand it to me in a box which is in a bag that also has curly fries and I can sit over there and rest my leg and eat my hamburger and refuel my depleted body and then be on my way to Charlestown and he says no sir we clean the freezers out every Friday because of a health department regulations even though we think its overkill personally but the health inspector is a real stickler for rules and we can't risk getting a c or d or god forbid an f because that might force us to close while we get back in shape so to speak and anyway because today is Saturday and we ended the roast beef hamburger promotion not Friday as in yesterday but like technically two Fridays ago there's no chance in hell that there are any frozen hamburgers left and you don't appreciate that this kid who is working in the service industry probably in his first job is using swear words like hell to a customer he just met who is clearly upset and you let him know that you don't appreciate the swear words and he says ha ha sorry sir its in the Bible ha ha anyway that's what my grandmother used to say and you can tell that he's a good kid deep down and is maybe just the kind of kid who takes it easy and makes his friends laugh by telling the same kind of jokes over and over again til it gets to the point that its not the joke that's funny but that fact that he's said this joke maybe a hundred times and even though you think that's sort of a nice thing for him to have with his buddies you're hungry for a hamburger and you really do think there's something going on in your leg and so you're mad at this kid anyway which you know he doesn't deserve but its like an instinct in you that makes you feel this way and now you're bladder is starting to feel like a squeezed ballon about to pop open and spill a liquid all over everything and this is on top of the doggone cramp acting up again in your leg and your stomach is aching because you're so hungry for a hamburger that you were promised by the television and now this kid is saying you can't have it and excuse me sir maybe you would like a roast beef sandwich seeing as you're at arbys restaurant and that's what we serve and its even in the name because arbys sounds like R and B which are the initials for Roast Beef like a roast beef sandwich and you think that he's probably said that to his friends about a hundred times and you also remember that you thought about that same story when you were walking in and if you had really heeded its meaning you maybe could have saved yourself a headache and gone somewhere else because you'd know that its ridiculous to think that a place named after one kind of meat would serve another kind but here you are suffering from your mistake and suffering from your doggone leg cramp and suffering because the commode is calling your name and suffering because now that you've got it in your head the only thing that will give you energy again is a hamburger and not a roast beef and its bubbling low simmer style at first like you're bug bunny in a cauldron that could easily be mistaken for a hot tub until the monster starts cutting up carrots and celery and green onions and its getting maybe a little too hot and oh god bugs get out you're soup and bugs bunny realizes at the same time as you and he goes awwwoooooooo and jumps out of that soup pot and it all sort of bubbles over and becomes a real big mess and now that's your current situation at arbys with the kid who won't check the freezers and you can hear from your mouth with your ears but it doesn't feel like your mouth because the words coming out are things like damn and bull shit and you don't ever say those things but doggone no goddam you're mad and hungry and this cramp makes you want to chop your own leg off and the balloon in your pelvis gets squeezed too hard because you're writhing and shaking and spinning all around so much that the body doesn't feel like yours anymore and theres like the bladder equivalent of a pop and you are now wet and you sure as hell know its not water or a coka Cole soft drink because you didn't even get a chance to order and that Charlie horse feels like one of those big Budweiser horses chomping down mad at you like you owe him money and so your leg gives out and you fall down and all the kid can say is are you okay sir ill call an ambulance sir and after sort of lying there in your misery and suffering for a minute or two you realize the whole situation kind of went the worst way it could go and now you're embarrassed and if you're honest your hunger has dissipated and you're just kind of over the whole thing so you get up on your knees and then your feet and you say sorry about the mess and the swears kid and you leave and go sit in your chevy Cruze and sort of think on it for a minute or two and decide you might as well get back on the road so you get out of Park and go into Reverse and then Drive and you're wet but at least your leg doesn't hurt and you pull back onto i79 east toward Charlestown and start to feel like maybe you're going to be alright when there it is again that doggone cramp in your leg and you can't believe the timing because you just saw a sign that said next rest stop 30 miles so you sigh and grin and bear and because what the hell else are you going to do

I will not be returning to this Arby's until they renew the hamburger promotion.